Fanatical Fans

Posted March 1, 2011

The term ‘fan’ is shortened from the word ‘fanatical’, though in recent decades, it has come to mean that someone simply likes something. Being a fan of this or that TV show or movie, or actor or actress, is commonplace. Almost everyone is a fan of something.

But when does being a ‘fan’ cross the line into being ‘fanatical’?

I recently read an interview with a young actor who has been thrust into the spotlight rather abruptly, but completely and without compare. His life has completely changed, because he can’t do anything or go anywhere without being… well, attacked, essentially. He’s frustrated and confused… “Is the adoration for me, or [the character]?” (<– paraphrased quote)

In my opinion, at least for the most part, the adoration is for the character he is best known for portraying. This is not to say that he doesn’t deserve to be adored for who he is as a person, and/or as an actor. Just, in general, I think most of the fanatics out there are drawn to the character, and he is the face of that character.

Don’t get me wrong, I think most fans are well meaning and harmless. Some are not, but of the others – the others who have crossed into ‘fanatical’ territory – I think they just find themselves lost to the overwhelming emotions that idolizing someone can evoke. They don’t know what to do with it, so they freak out and ‘attack’. Not to hurt, I’m sure, but to the person on the receiving end, can you imagine how horrifying that would be?

If you were walking down the street, and some person you didn’t know ran at you, jumped into your arms, tried to kiss you or rip your clothes off, you’d start screaming and call for help. You’d call for the police, because no one has the right to do that to you. But for celebrities, they are expected to just ‘take it’. If they don’t – if they complain – people think they’re ungrateful, or snobbish. They’re criticized for not wanting to be mauled by strangers.

“But when you become an actor, it’s par for the course.”

It might be par for the course, but should it be? If we adore these people as much as we claim to, should we really be attacking them? Would we want a loved one to have to go through that? What if it were your sibling, your parent, your child, being subjected to the chaos? What if it was your loved one who had to hire a bodyguard, just to get from point A to point B?

What if it was your loved one who was being interviewed by yet another interviewer, desperately trying to convey how absolutely miserable he is, but essentially being ignored? To me, the interview I read almost seemed like a cry for help, and it saddened me horribly. Not that I think he’s suicidal! That’s not the kind of ‘cry for help’ I’m referring to. Just, a cry for it to stop.

Please, indulge me for just a moment longer…

Imagine your day for a moment. Work, school, hanging out with friends, etc. Going out to eat. Going to the movies, the mall, a bar (if you’re old enough). Now imagine you can’t do that anymore. None of it. You can’t even own a house, because as soon as word gets out about where you live (and word will get out), you will have hoards of screaming fanatics and photo sharks camped out at every hour of the day and night. You have to live in hotel rooms, out of a suitcase, essentially, for most of your days. You can’t leave without your bodyguard, and not without causing a riot. And in order to avoid the riots as much as possible, you only leave when it’s time to film a movie or do a photo shoot.

Possibly a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much.

Yes, this level of fame comes with perks, I’m sure, like financial security, but at what price?

I’m sorry if I sound like I’m high and mighty on a soap box right now, but this has been weighing on me for most of the day, and I just felt the need to get it off my chest.

In closing I’d just like to say this…

Celebrities are people, not God. They have feelings, and can become overwhelmed just as easily as you can. Think before you act. If you were on the receiving end of what you’re about to do, would you be okay with it, or would you scream for help and call the police? If it’s the latter, stop. Just stop. Please. If you truly admire them, their wellbeing should matter to you.

I apologize if I offended anyone with this post. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and this is mine.

MTLBYAKY

And the nominees are...

Posted February 15, 2011

Well, there are a lot of them! And, no, I’m not talking about Sir Golden Oscar. I’m talking about The Vampies!

What are The Vampies? What an excellent question! I didn’t know, either, until a few days ago. The Vampies are… Well, why don’t I just let them explain it? This is what it says on their website: We’re a group of fanfic writers and readers who decided to get back to our Twilight roots. It seems the AH (All Human) genre has grown to epic proportions and while we enjoy those stories just as much as the next person, we wanted to honor those that celebrate vampire mythology.

So, now that y’all know what The Vampies are, here’s why I’m so excited about them… I’ve been nominated to receive one! I have no idea who nominated me, but to the person or persons who did… thank you. Sincerely. I am incredibly honored and humbled that you thought enough of my fic to do so.

I know how cliché this sounds, but really, it’s just such an honor to be nominated, I don’t even care if I win. Well, okay, truthfully, I care a little, but win or lose, I’m seriously thrilled to have been nominated at all. There are some insanely talented writers out there, and my name, my story, is sitting amongst them!

Okay, so, here’s the deal… you win by popular vote. If you like my story, or just like me enough to want to make me squeal with joy, you head on over to The Vampies website, click on the ‘vote’ box, and then click the circle next to my story title and name.

I have been nominated in the category: Bloody Newborn – best characterization of a newborn vampire, for my fanfic ‘Harvest Moon’. There is another fic by the same name, by another author, that has been nominated in several categories, so be sure you read carefully. My author name for these awards (and on the popular Twilight fanfic website Twilighted.net is: JanaOnWheels.

Voting runs from February 14th - February 28th. Winners will be announced on March 5th.

If you haven’t yet, and would like to read ‘Harvest Moon’ before voting, you can find it on three different websites:

My website

Twilighted.net

Fanfiction.net

Here’s the awesome banner (made by my beta reader, Kristylized), and the summary:

The first few months after the change were always the most difficult. Instincts rule over rationality. Since raging thirst is never far from a newborn’s mind, it often makes for careless choices.

The girl would need supervision. A patient teacher to guide her and keep her out of trouble. I didn’t just feel obligated to fill this role, I yearned to fill it.

Parodies/Hillywood's Twilight Saga: Eclipse Parody

Posted November 23, 2010

I like parodies… when done well.

Some parodies are not (done well). I actually find myself becoming embarrassed for the people doing them and just cannot finish watching. It’s almost painful.

Some parodies are just rude and mean-spirited. If you don’t like something, don’t like it, but don’t mock and ridicule those who do by creating a so called parody. Kinda like the old adage: if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Some parodies hit the mark just right. They have that perfect balance of respect and playful teasing, and they’re done well. I have found such a parody.

This very talented group called The Hillywood Show has created several parody videos, all of which are fantastic, but the one that stands out as stellar (to me) is their Twilight Saga: Eclipse parody. The effort and detail they put into creating this video is amazing, and obvious as you watch, especially if you’ve seen the movie.

Even the smallest details are given attention, from costumes to props to locations to ‘blocking’/physical positioning to expressions. These guys did their homework, no question about it.

All of the actors portray their parts very well, even though none of them but Bella (Hilly Hindi) and Edward (Jacob Jost) have lines. The actor who plays Jacob (Kyle Dayton) looks so much like Taylor Lautner (the actor who plays Jacob in the saga) that it’s almost distracting! Brilliant casting there.

Hilly and Jacob (Jost, not the character of Jacob) have such amazing on screen chemistry, it makes me wonder if they’re a couple in real life. I’m not asking – it’s none of my business – but it did make me wonder.

I was highly impressed with the ‘battle practice’ action scenes. Those could not have been easy to do, not only recreating them as close to the original as possible, but to do so without the benefits of stunt doubles and wires. Or maybe they did have stunt doubles and wires. Still, I was impressed.

I enjoyed this parody so much that, simply for my own amusement, I created a side by side comparison video. It took me a week, hours upon hours per day, of painstakingly lining up each frame, literally by tenths of seconds. Labor intensive but worth it. With my having no real talent for video editing, I think I did a pretty good job!

Proud of my accomplishment, I emailed Team Hillywood and asked them if they would like to see my video. It just seemed a waste not to share it with someone, ya’know? They showed an interest, and suggested I upload it so that they could see it. Since I could not get Summit Entertainment’s permission, I decided not to upload it onto my regular YouTube channel, but onto Vimeo instead.

As of the time I’m posting this, I have not heard back from Team Hillywood on what they thought of my little video, but since they did give me permission to upload it, I’m going to assume they have no issue with me sharing it. I hope I am not mistaken in this assumption. I’m not looking to upset anyone, or take credit for others’ works.

Do yourself a favor and watch the original/official parody video on The Hillywood Show’s YouTube channel. My video cuts off before the awesome tag scene, and before the very entertaining credits.

In closing I would just like to say that, in my opinion, parodies should be fun – funny and silly – but respectful to the original creation. Well done, Hillywood, for accomplishing that most amazingly. Your popularity is well deserved.

Edited on December 4, 2010, to add:

I heard back from Team Hillywood! This was their response:

Jana,

Creepy Heroes? My Twilight Rant

Posted October 19, 2010

I want to start off by saying that I’m a Twilight fan. Yes, I said it. Out loud. LOL! (Fans will get why I’m laughing). I’m not ashamed of this. Yes, I admit, the books are far from literary genius, but they’re also not the worst examples of literature out there. The third and fourth books (Eclipse and Breaking Dawn) are better than the first two (Twilight and New Moon), in my opinion, but all in all, the saga is enjoyable.

Having said that, there is this site/blog that has taken to dissecting the book(s), pointing out all the grammatical errors and, in general, criticizing anything deemed ‘wrong’. I have no issue with this. People are entitled to their opinions. A lot of it is rather funny, actually, even if I don’t agree, and with some of her observations, I do agree.

One such thing that I don’t agree with, however, is that Edward is ‘creepy’. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this said. It’s a common point of argument amongst anti-fans of the saga. “Edward is creepy because he stalks Bella, climbing into her bedroom through the window and watching her sleep.”

Well, sure, when one makes a comment such as that, essentially out of context, it sounds horribly creepy. But if you assemble all the pieces to the story, and seriously consider his mentality and motives, it really isn’t as creepy as it first sounds.

I say ‘as creepy’ because I do recognize that if this were a real life scenario, for most people, mentality and motives aside, it would still be creepy.

But this isn’t a real life scenario, is it? It’s fantasy. It’s sparkling vampires and eternal love.

Edward Cullen loves Bella Swan. And vice-versa, but let’s stick to Edward for now. He’s a confused, self-loathing vampire who falls in love with a human. Not just any human, but his ‘singer’. A singer, in the saga, is defined as a human whose blood is more appealing to a specific vampire than any other’s blood ever could be. It’s nearly impossible to resist killing your singer, but Edward does.

Not only is he resisting the urge to kill her, but he knows any kind of relationship with her would be difficult at best. He could crush her and kill her with just the barest of actions. He could snap and drain her if he isn’t forever mindful of his need to control himself.

Added to those dilemmas, Bella is a magnet for disaster. She’s not just accident prone, but accidents and danger seek her out. A van almost crushes her in the school parking lot. She’s almost raped and murdered while out shopping with friends. A warped-minded nomadic vampire tries to kill her and almost ‘changes’ her. And all of that is just in the first installment! If not for Edward, she wouldn’t have made it to her eighteenth birthday.

He wants to ‘do the right thing’ and leave her alone, so that she can live a ‘normal life’, but she seems to need protecting, and he wants her to be safe. He’s also fascinated by her.

Edward can read minds. Every mind except for Bella’s. This is fascinating to him, and intensely frustrating. He wants to know what she thinks about. He wants to understand why she reacts to things the way she does. Why she doesn’t react to things the way other humans would.

He’s never felt love before, not in all his decades of existence. Love is confusing enough, most of the time, without the added issues Edward faces.

Okay, so, now that we’ve established all of that, let’s get back to the ‘creepy’ accusations.

Edward isn’t stalking Bella and watching her sleep for malicious reasons. He’s just protective of her, and fascinated by her. He wonders what she dreams about, and wishes he could sleep so that he can dream of her. (Vampires in Stephenie Meyer’s world can’t sleep.)

From Midnight Sun:

Maybe, if I could be unconscious, if I could dream, I could live for a few hours in a world where she and I could be together.

– For those who don’t know, Midnight Sun is an unfinished, unpublished retelling of Twilight from Edward’s point of view –

Back to what I was saying…

He doesn’t do anything inappropriate, really, breaking and entering aside (grin). In fact, at one point, he fetches her an extra blanket out of the linen closet and drapes it over her because he realizes she’s cold – ooh, scandalous!

So, yeah, he climbs up to the second floor and crawls in through her window uninvited, but to be honest, though he probably doesn’t know this, if he had knocked first, she would have let him in. When she learns later that he’d been doing it for months, she was fine with it.

If Meyer’s fictional character isn’t bothered by these behaviors, and enough logical reasoning is given to explain why she is not (bothered), then should we really be? And to those who are…

Let’s talk about Santa Claus for a moment. “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.” He breaks into your house and leaves presents for your children. He encourages them to sit on his lap at malls. These would all be considered ‘creepy behaviors’, if not for the fact that it’s just a fun myth to play along with.

Isn’t this, essentially, the same thing? Myth? Fantasy? Make believe?

You don’t have to agree with me, I just felt like sharing my thoughts on the matter.

In closing, I would just like to say this: If someone you barely know (or someone you know very well, or someone you don’t know at all) climbs into your window uninvited and claims to be a sparkling vampire, you should definitely call the police. There is a difference between fantasy and reality, and everyone should have a firm grasp of it.

Oh, and for whatever it’s worth, I like that Meyer’s vampires sparkle. It’s an interesting twist on the myth about sunlight.

My Muse

Posted August 15, 2010

Some people give the credit of their creativity to a higher source. A muse, usually. Some unseen force that inspires and guides. I do this. Though I know, realistically, that no such power exists, it sometimes seems true enough.

I have spoken to many writers through the years, and I have come to the conclusion through these conversations that I am odd. Well, I’ve always known that I am, but I mean in regards to writing. Many authors can just sit down at their computer or typewriter and write. They can make themselves do so. I can’t.

Inspiration has to hit me, or I literally cannot write. Oh, sure, I could throw sentences out there, but they won’t be any good. Trust me, I’ve tried. My muse will not stand for it. She is in charge of what I write, and when I write it. If I attempt to force her, she disappears, leaving me with an incurable case of writer’s block.

Most days, I have multiple projects open in the taskbar on my laptop. If I give my muse a choice, she will likely allow me to write that day. If I don’t give her a choice, the chances are slimmer. If she throws a new idea at me, I quickly open a blank document and jot it down. This is necessary, for she will not repeat herself.

Am I crazy? Probably, but that diagnosis aside, there’s a reason why I’m sharing this information.

I have been trying to finish the sequel to my novel, ‘The Mengliad’, for a while now, but my muse is refusing to allow it. I have no doubt in my mind that she will eventually permit me to, but currently, she is insisting I do other projects.

One such project is a Twilight fanfic entitled ‘Two Weeks’ (< clickable link if you care to read it). This is completed, but is still in the process of being beta-ed and posted. My muse was very good to me during this project. I finished this thirty-five chapter, 140,000 word story in just under seven weeks. I am quite proud of it, and am thrilled by the outpouring of very positive reviews I have received.

The next project I have been working on is also a Twilight fanfic, as of yet untitled, written from Edward’s POV (point of view). He is a complex character, so this has been a bit of a challenge for me, but also quite rewarding. I have wanted to do a fic from his POV for a while now.

I will end this with the rough draft of the prologue from this untitled fic, but before I do, I just want to apologize to those who have been waiting for ‘The Registry’s Secrets’ to be finished and published. I promise you, I will finish it. Initially, I had been hoping for an August release date. Now it’s looking more like October. I will keep you posted, both here on my webpage, and on ‘The Mengliad’s FaceBook page.

Thank you for your patience, and for all the wonderful feedback and support!

MTLBYAKY

Untitled Twilight Fic

Prologue

By: Jana~

XXX

My siblings often amuse me.

At that moment, I was wavering between amused and annoyed.

I wasn’t pleased, either, but sometimes it is necessary to hunt the less appealing. We often adjust our activities based off the balance of nature in the area. Recently, there had been a surge in the deer population.

I much prefer mountain lion. Not for the thrill of the challenge, but simply because they taste better. Emmett prefers bear. Not because they taste better, but for the thrill.

Alice, as always, was indifferent. As I was, she was just waiting for Emmett to make a decision on how to best create entertainment for himself. Deer are docile creatures, and rarely put forth much of a fight during the brief struggle to survive.

Emmett is not fond of gentle game.

If he doesn’t hurry up and decide, I say we go and he can chase his down.

I gave my sister a nod of approval, watching as each of Emmett’s decisions turned to visions inside her mind. The one where he ended up in the river brought a smirk to my face.

I sensed it coming a second before it happened. The winds shifted, taking our scents to the herd of deer. They scattered, but I was unconcerned with that. New scents came with the change. The scents both enticed me and worried me.

Instincts drove me. I’m faster than most. My siblings struggled to keep up with me.

Edward! Wait!

A vision played out inside her head, but that just prepared me for what I was about to find. The vision then changed to something far more acceptable. Then it vanished. We both knew why.

Finally, I saw them, but he was too busy feasting to realize I was approaching. Surprise was my advantage. I hit him full force, sending him flying across the field. He righted himself quickly and took an offensive stance, crouching and hissing as I crouched over his victim defensively.

“That’s mine!” he growled.

“Not rightfully! You are on claimed territory!”

Like hell I am. Twerp is a scavenger.

His thoughts were preposterous, so I didn’t bother responding to them. I just glared back and waited. He was eyeing me, trying to determine what my weaknesses were. I allowed it. I only needed a few seconds more.

It’s a Cullen!

They broke the treaty!

But who’s the other one?

Wait for the command!

He’s standing over her!

The wolves’ thoughts bombarded me all at once. I hissed in response, and to get their attention. “It wasn’t me! Look at my eyes! Are they red? It was him!” I pointed at the trespassing vampire for emphasis.

The trespasser’s thoughts filled with curse words and plans to flee. And then he did. All the wolves but the leader, Jacob, gave chase, just as Alice and Emmett arrived.

He thinks you did it.

“He’s not sure,” I answered my sister. One thing that was for sure… he knew the victim. He was lamenting over the idea that, because she would now turn into the enemy of his tribe, he would have to kill her. I felt a pang of sympathy for his pain. “I might be able to help her, Jacob.”

You can save her?

Edward, no! It’s not safe! I can’t predict when the mutts are around!

I ignored Alice. I was fully aware of the risk involved. If I failed to restrain myself, the treaty would likely be seen as broken and a war between the wolves and my family would break out. Starting with my death, and possibly Alice’s and Emmett’s as well.

“I can try. I cannot guarantee the outcome.”

Try. Please.

I knelt next to the young woman and located the wound. With where it was, on her forearm as opposed to a wrist or her neck, his intentions were clear. He had planned to drain her slowly while she suffered. Rage filled me, but I used it to get me through what I was about to attempt.

Spit it out. You’ll drain her and doom us all if you don’t.

I took my sister’s advice. The first pull tasted heavily of venom. If not for that, I might not have been able to spit it out. The second pull wasn’t any weaker. There was no stopping the change from happening. I took a third pull, just to be certain. I didn’t dare take another.

I glanced at Jacob and shook my head, then I sealed the wound closed with my tongue and placed her hand on her heaving chest. Her heart rate was fast and erratic. Her breathing was labored. She was twitching and convulsing alternately. The shock of her ordeal had, mercifully, rendered her unconscious.

So, that’s it? You can’t save her?

“Not her humanity, no. But she doesn’t need to be destroyed. We can teach her to live as we do, if you will allow us to.”

I don’t know… I can’t…

“Yes, you can. You are the alpha. You are the only one who can rightfully make this decision. I know you consider us the enemy, but this isn’t her fault.”

Jacob’s thoughts jumped randomly. Memories of spending time with this girl intermixed with horrifying images of ripping her apart.

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” I assured him.

He seemed to be searching for opinions from the rest of his pack, but the only two still in wolf form were Seth and Embry. The rest had phased into their human forms so that they could burn the pieces of the dismembered vampire.

Seth and Embry were younger than Jacob, and offered nothing of help in making a decision.

Pups in charge of anything besides where to find a good ass scratching tree is ridiculous!

I ignored Emmett and tried again with Jacob. “You obviously care about her. She didn’t ask for this to happen. Isn’t a life such as this better than no life at all?”

Jacob’s love for the girl and hatred of my kind battled for a moment within his thoughts. Finally, he conceded.

Fine. Help her.

“Thank you.”

As I began to lift her, Alice asked, “What’s her name? How old is she?”

Bella. Isabella Swan, but she goes by Bella. She just turned eighteen a few weeks ago.

“She goes by Bella,” I said, translating Jacob’s thoughts for my siblings. “She’s eighteen.”

At least she’s legal. Less complications.

I nodded at Emmett, then turned back to face Jacob. “Would you like us to contact you? Later? After?”

I’m going to need some time.

He turned and left then, anger and anguish filling his mind. I felt pity for the boy. I also felt for the young, limp woman in my arms. The days ahead of her would be excruciating, I knew.

A few miles away from the clearing, as my siblings and I ran for home, I heard a lone, heartwrenching wolf cry.

Fanfics

Posted July 7, 2010

The following is a cut & paste from a post I wrote on a thread about fanfics…

I have been a fanfic writer for just over ten years now. I started out in the ‘Caroline in the City’ fandom, then moved over to ‘Friends’ a couple years later. I was considered one of the best in both fandoms. Not trying to toot my own horn here... just giving some back story.

Anyway...

Firstly, I feel that every author/copyright holder has the right to hate fanfics. Especially when those stories are horribly written or just plain nasty. If that person asks that fanfics not be posted publicly... again, that’s their right. A lot have done so. Pretty sure Anne Rice did. On the popular fanfiction site fanfiction.net, if the copyright holder asks the site not to allow these fics, the site will pull down the fandom. If you break TOS by submitting the fic in another fandom, your account will be pulled. They also do not allow pornographic (NC-17 rated) fics. Any longer. They used to allow them, but years ago pulled the option. If you’re caught posting NC-17 rated fics, your account will be pulled. Some people get around this by posting them as rated ‘R’, but if someone reports the fic, it will be pulled, as will your account.

Fanfic writers aren’t (usually) trying to ‘hurt’ the people that created these characters. They’re writing these stories using these established characters because they love them. The characters, I mean.

The author that the OP (original poster) quoted, stated that sometimes these stories aren’t even really based on ‘her world’. I’m paraphrasing. This is what’s called AU (alternative universe), and it’s quite popular amongst fanfic writers. What would these loved characters do if they were in ‘THIS’ world, instead of in the one they actually ‘reside’ in? It’s fun to imagine and write such scenarios. I’ve done it a lot. That’s how my novel came to be, actually. It was originally a fanfic for ‘Friends’. Of the over 300 reviews I had received for it, dozens said it could (and should) be published as an original novel. So, I changed all the names, tweaked the characters just enough to make them original, removed all the ‘Friends’ references, and did just that.

Back when the show ‘Friends’ was still on the air, I contacted their legal department... not to discuss fanfics, but to discuss the posting of ‘scenecaps’ from the episodes. The gentleman I spoke with pulled up my site and we talked about things as he surfed through it. He asked me to lessen the amount of scenecaps I had for ‘new episodes’, but otherwise had no real issues. We then discussed fanfics, since I had him on the phone and was curious. He said that fanfics were “legal”, as long as money wasn’t changing hands. I put the word ‘legal’ in quotes, because he said most ‘legal teams’ are reluctant to state this. There seems to be a bit of a gray area with it. He also said that while they didn’t care for the NC-17 fics, because they often times can be quite nasty, they weren’t concerned with pursuing any sort of legal-type action to have them removed. I have a few NC-17 fics, which he saw at the time he was surfing through my site. I’m assuming that’s why he brought them up. When I explained what these fics contained, he said they were fine with that.

A lot of authors/copyright holders ARE, really. There are only a few that seem to have an issue with it, and as I said, that’s perfectly fine. Or, at least should be perfectly fine. I would never post fanfics in a fandom where the original creator has issues with it, but others might not be as sensitive. Some creators actually LOVE that fanfics are written about their characters, because they DO see it as a form of flattery. JKR and Stephenie Meyers, to name two. I know this because my friend writes Twilight fics, and my daughter likes to read HP fics. JKR actually mentioned them in a positive way in an interview. My daughter can’t remember the exact quote, so I’m paraphrasing off her memory, but she said something like (after ‘outting’ Dumbledore): “Ah, now the Dumbledore/Grindlewald fanfics will commence!”

So, in closing... I wouldn’t have a problem if fanfics were written about/using my characters. I would be flattered, actually. My daughter and I are discussing this as I type, and she just said this: “It’s like when Weird Al parodies a song. You know you’ve really ‘made it’ when he does. If people write fanfics based on your creations, you’ve ‘made it’.”

Excerpt, rough draft, from 'The Registry's Secrets', sequel to 'The Mengliad'

Posted June 5, 2010

Chapter One 

Obviously and understandably upset, she stormed through the door, hanging her purse and coat on the rack in the foyer in angry fashion before stomping towards the kitchen. Following her, he watched her from the doorway, leaning against the jamb, flinching and then sighing when the frying pan she had retrieved from the bottom cupboard took the brunt of her frustration.

“Pretty sure it’s not your cookware that you’re pissed at,” he stated cautiously, hoping to get her to open up to him. She only scoffed, otherwise remaining on task as she moved towards the fridge. “No, you’re right,” he said in response to what she was thinking, “talking about it won’t change anything, but I still would like to.”

“They keep asking me the same questions, over and over again!” she blurted out, slamming bags of produce down before pulling a large cutting knife from the butcher block that held it. “They just change them around!” Slicing through vegetables aggressively, she hesitated before asking rhetorically, “Do they think I’m stupid or something? I see what they’re doing! And how many times do they have to draw my blood, anyway? What are they even testing for?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, crossing his arms and waiting for her to continue, knowing she would without further comment from him.

“It’s not enough anymore!” Sliding the chopped celery off the cutting board with the blade of the knife into a colander, she added, “I want more!” Several carrots were then mutilated by her anger. “I want to work! I want a life outside of this house! All we ever do is go back and forth to the center! And go over to Bibi’s and Josiah’s, but that’s not much different than being here! Not that I don’t enjoy spending time with them,” she muttered, her agitation easing only slightly, “‘cause I do. And I, of course, enjoy spending time with you, but it’s just not enough anymore. Whatever happened to the idea that after six months to a year, they’d ease up and let us go live our own lives?”

“It hasn’t quite been a year yet,” he reminded her, and she rolled her eyes as she scraped the carrots in to join the celery.

“Six weeks and five days, and it will be exactly one year from the date we moved in here,” she informed him, as if he was unaware, stepping over to the fridge once again, “and they don’t seem any closer to letting us go! I want a life outside these walls! I want a life outside this tiny speck of a town! I want to resume a normal life! Maybe even go back to New York! Maybe even… start a family,” she added carefully, her edge dulling considerably on the last word.

“They’ll let us go eventually,” he assured her, watching with a quirked eyebrow as she threw half a stick of butter into the frying pan she had minutes before slammed down onto the stove. “It shouldn’t be much longer.” Saying that only brought her irritation back to the surface.

“That’s what you said three months ago, Craddock! Alex! Whatever!”

“Jessica, baby,” he told her soothingly, “you can call me Craddock when we’re in private.”

The tone he’d used contrasted against hers, bringing to her attention just how angry and unreasonable she sounded. “I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I don’t mean to snap at you.”

“I know,” he whispered, gathering her into his arms. “You’re just frustrated. I’m sorry you are,” he added, and she nodded as she melted against him.

Holding her, or even just touching her affectionately, usually brought about the end of any argument. It was a subtle form of manipulation he often felt guilty for using, but he eased his conscience by reminding himself that he wasn’t doing it for malicious reasons. He would use any method necessary to lessen her pain. Which brought about another tried and true means of redirection.

“Can I ask you a question?” There was only the slightest hint of humor in his tone, but she knew instinctively a joke was coming.

“Yeah,” she answered, smiling already.

“What the hell are you cooking?” he quipped, and she laughed as she pulled back to lock eyes with him.

“I have no idea,” she admitted. The smirks they were both wearing faded as he raked his fingers into her hair.

“Can your brutally murdered vegetables wait to be sautéed?” he asked. “I want to go into the bedroom with you,” he added, his smile returning when a playful grin inched into her expression.

“Well, we could go into the bedroom,” she replied, allowing the sentence to dangle purposefully as she slowly backed him towards the kitchen table.

When his body made contact with the wood, he wasted no time hopping up on it, reclining slightly as she immediately reached for his pants’ snap and zipper. “Just you thinking it, and I’m ready for you,” he whispered, and a small chuckle escaped her.

“You wake up ready for me,” she shot back teasingly, then tugged and pulled at his pants and boxers impatiently, just enough to expose him.

Playing along, he retorted, “Can I help it if you’re gorgeous?”

She never considered herself to be gorgeous, but by the way he looked at her, touched her, even his thoughts about her, when she was so attuned to him she could literally read them, told her he honestly did. The last ten months had been a strange combination of stressful, bizarre, and wonderful, and she knew without question, she never would have survived it all if not for him and his love for her. He taught her, helped her to understand, and then he took the frustrations of the day away by holding her, and loving her. He kept her sane.

Story Time! – Pain Meds Render Me Stupid, Apparently

Posted May 7, 2010

I haven’t been able to write. I haven’t made any progress on the sequel to ‘The Mengliad’ (‘The Registry’s Secrets’), and writing this blog didn’t come any easier. The reason why? Well, like the title says, pain medication renders me stupid, apparently. That and the pain itself.

Here’s the story…

I have degenerative bone and muscle disease, so I have to be cautious how I move. Two weeks ago, I slept through the alarm, and my son was about to miss his bus to school. He had a field trip that day, and I didn’t want him to miss it, so I leapt out of bed to help get him ready. That was the start of my nightmare. I could feel that I messed up my back, but it didn’t seem all that different from the times I had done so before, so I just took it easy and pressed on.

A week later, my son (the same son) had to get blood work done. He’s eleven and Autistic, so he did NOT want to do this, but the doctor was insistent (because of meds he takes). I didn’t tell him what we were doing, because I didn’t want him to panic or try to run away. It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time. Well, his turn comes up, and he catches on to what’s about to happen, and he panics, like I knew he would. While trying to hold him steady, so that he wouldn’t hurt himself or others, all his flailing ended up causing me severe problems, compacting with the problem from the week previous.

The day after the adventure at the lab, I realized I had numb areas of skin, which started at my back and traveled around to my front. This, along with the excruciating pain, was enough to convince me that I needed to go to the hospital.

The ER doctor was very nice, but rushed. He looked at my back, listened to my complaints, and noted that my blood pressure was through the roof (which meant I must have been in actual pain, and not just scamming for meds). There were no tests performed (other than to check my blood sugar numbers), and he wouldn’t even let me onto the gurney! He said he needed to reserve that for ‘other patients’.

I was prescribed three meds – a pain reliever, a muscle relaxant, and for some strange reason, an antibiotic. He then told me to follow up with my regular doctor. This was last Saturday. I suffered through the weekend, then called to make an appointment with my doctor on Monday. They scheduled it for Wednesday.

The meds I was prescribed never did help, and in fact, made me feel worse. I hurled (pardon the phrase) every time I took them, and they made me dingy in the head. Rational thought seemed elusive, let alone creative thought.

On Wednesday, I went to see my regular doctor. Bottom line… I messed up my back. The numbness is most likely from either a pulled muscle or a pinched nerve. I say ‘most likely’ because she didn’t perform any tests, either. She looked at my back, asked me a few questions, prescribed me different meds, filled existing meds, drew blood for maintenance with my Diabetes, then sent me on my way.

Weird thing is, I also have what seems to be a cluster of bug bites on my back, in the exact location the numbness starts at. Coincidence, or part of the problem? Neither doctor found it noteworthy.

I feel a little better today, but not great by any stretch. As I write this, it’s been a little over eight hours since my last dose of pain meds. I held off taking them so that I could think clearly enough to string sentences together in a coherent manner. Hopefully, I succeeded.

Back to stupidity.

Story Time! – Trip to Equus

Posted April 16, 2010

Okay, so, my oldest daughter, Juli, tells me she has to go to this play at her college, and that she would like me to go with her. Sounds fun. I like going to the theater, but because of the price, I don’t get to go often. The cost for this was reasonable – $15 – so I’m all for the idea. Then she tells me what the play is.

“Equus”. Not something I really cared to see, to be honest. I heard all about this play when Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame did a version of it in the UK. For those who don’t know about this play, here is what Wikipedia says about it:

“Equus is a play by Peter Shaffer written in 1973, telling the story of a psychiatrist who attempts to treat a young man who has a pathological religious/sexual fascination with horses.

Shaffer was inspired to write Equus when he heard of a crime involving a 17-year-old who blinded six horses in a small town near London. He set out to construct a fictional account of what might have caused the incident, without knowing any of the details of the crime. The play's action is something of a detective story, involving the attempts of the child psychiatrist, Dr. Martin Dysart, to understand the cause of the boy's actions while wrestling with his own sense of purpose.

However, numerous other issues inform the narrative. Most important are religious and ritual sacrifice themes, and the manner in which character Alan Strang constructs a personal theology involving the horses and the supreme godhead, "Equus". Alan sees the horses as representative of God and confuses his adoration of his "God" with sexual attraction.”

Minutes until we have to leave or we’ll miss the bus, and I’m still not certain. If it was ANY other play, I would have gone in a heartbeat. No consideration required. But this wasn’t any other play. This play is unique, in more ways than just the theme of it. The audience sits on the stage, with the actors less than a stone’s throw away. And two of the characters get completely naked.

Nudity doesn’t usually bother me, but the seating arrangements did. Plus, I’m a wheelchair user, and I wondered if I could even get up onto the stage. If I couldn’t, what then? So, I called the theater. The helpful gal who answered the phone checked for me, and sure enough, they had a way to seat me on the stage.

I had no more usable excuses, other than my own disinterest in the play. Not a good enough reason to bail out, and now I’m glad I didn’t.

“Equus” was much better than I thought it would be. The formatting for how this play is performed was interesting… the bulk of it takes place center stage, in the psychiatrist’s office, with the actors not in the scene sitting all around watching. How they step in when it’s their time was rather ingenious, in my humble opinion, and was unlike anything I’d ever seen before in plays. The actors who played the horses sat at four corners around the set, and wore metal headgear shaped like horse heads. Their shoes had poles affixed, and at the end of those poles were horseshoes. The clomping sounds made as they walked around lent realism to the abstract way they were portrayed, and the actors’ movements and mannerisms while they were horses were quite believable.

The young man who played Alan Strang (Zachary Hallett) was brilliant in the part. It was a demanding role, and he really committed himself to it. I told him so, too. The only way to get a wheelchair user on and off the stage was by going through the back door, which is where the actors were after the show. He seemed grateful for my comment.

I was also very impressed by the actors who played Dr. Martin Dysart (Tom Patrick) and Dora Strang (Jennifer Lawson).

If nothing else, this play offered a fascinating look inside the human psyche.

Another interesting thing happened while we were there, but it needs a bit of a preface.

A few months back, Juli comes home from school and tells me that she thinks she met the actress who played ‘Ally’ in ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’. She wasn’t exactly sure, though, because, let’s face it, sometimes people lie. It was dropped after that – as a family, we’ve never been the type to become star-struck – but the topic was revisited while at “Equus”.

During intermission, we decided to take a restroom break, and while gaining the usher’s attention so that we could be shown how to exit the stage, we realized he had been standing next to and talking with the same woman Juli had seen before around campus. While he was escorting us, we asked him what her name is. “Madylin,” he answered. That settled it. This woman looks just like her, and she has the same first name? Far more than a coincidence.

Hopefully, she’ll do a play sometime soon. I would love to see how she’s grown as an actress.

So, in closing, the play was great, we had a fun night, and we determined the identity of the woman my daughter had met previously.

Ideal heroes

Posted March 30, 2010

A friend once told me that the hero in the story I was writing was ‘too ideal’. A regular knight in shining armor, complete with trusty white steed.

Cliché, isn’t it? Maybe not.

The hero SHOULD be ideal, in my humble opinion! Personally, I wouldn’t want to read about a hero whose most romantic gesture is blowing the burp away from the heroine’s face!

“But, Jana, there is a happy medium between the burping guy and Mr. Ideal!”

True, and as a writer, I try to find the balance. He’s certainly not perfect, but he possesses all the qualities that, in my opinion, make him a stand-up guy. Kind, considerate, honest, protective, humble, loving, with just a smidgeon of intelligence and a sense of humor thrown in for good measure.

Starting to sound too perfect? Okay, so let’s throw in some flaws! Maybe he smokes. Drinks. Has commitment issues. When he gets angry, he curses. Maybe he’s a cynic, jaded by the world around him.

Whatever the flaw – or flaws! – the important thing to remember is, he’s still our hero, and must act the part! We can’t have him lazily lounging on the couch, beer in one hand, the other down his pants scratching himself, all while barking orders like: “Woman, go make me a turkey pot pie!”

Realistic, maybe, and sad, but that’s not our hero! No, no. That’s the character our heroine leaves FOR our hero! He’s crude, and disrespectful, and Narcissistic, and not at all worthy of being with our love-starved heroine. He’s a jerk, so we say goodbye to him. Maybe not right away, but eventually and for good. He might show up later as a plot complication, but that’s the extent of his purpose.

The heroine. She’s beautiful, isn’t she? She might not be a vision by society’s standards, but our hero sure thinks she is! She’s vulnerable yet strong, sweet yet feisty, modest yet proud. A complex contradiction just waiting to be rescued. Or maybe, instead, she’s a ‘wild child’, and our hero must ‘tame’ her.

Either way, she is completely unaware of her own importance, and our hero absolutely adores her. Maybe it’s love at first sight. Maybe it’s a sudden revelation about a friend known for years. Maybe one or both were pining but never spoke up for fear of rejection.

But getting back to the subject at hand… What was I talking about? Oh, right! The hero, Ideal! That perfect male specimen who keeps us turning the pages. Would we really want to turn the pages if he wasn’t?

This might not fly in all genres, but what I’m talking about, for the most part, is romance. From: “They could feel the sexual tension rising as he unzipped his jeans and…” to: “When he kissed her cheek, they both knew it was just the start of something beautiful…” or anything in between, the hero’s ‘wonderfulness’, or lack thereof, is crucial.

So, for you writers out there, go ahead and shine up that armor, and tell the stable boy to fetch the white horse! For you readers, rest assured that, at least in MY stories, the hero within WILL be a knight!

Writing Style and Rules

Posted March 17, 2010

By show of hands, who out there wants to read books where the simplest things are described for pages?

Okay, you can put your hands down, since I can’t actually see you (grin).

But seriously… Some people want descriptions. They want to read 3,000 words describing every detail of the cup of coffee on the table. The exact color and hue of the mug, the tiny chip on the rim that catches the drinker’s lip every time, the shapes the steam makes as it rises from the hot liquid into the cool air.

Then there are others who don’t. They don’t want every detail. They want to know there’s a cup of coffee, and then they just want to get on with it. Ask yourself this: Do I find myself skimming through the descriptions to get to the meat of the story? If you answered ‘yes’, then you are like me!

As a reader AND a writer, I find excessive descriptions bog down a story. It interrupts the flow and slows down the pace. If the hero of the story is faced with imminent death, staring down the barrel of a gun, I don’t want to take a ‘time out’ while every detail of the gun is described. I just want to know if he lives or dies! How does he get out of it? Does he have any last thoughts? What is he feeling in that moment?

In my humble opinion, if details can be summed up in one or two sentences, rather than four or five, all the better! This brings me to the rules portion of this post, of which there are many.

Let’s talk about adverbs. A lot of writers seem to have a love/hate relationship with them. They’ve been told they are bad – a crutch for a weak verb – so they avoid using them whenever possible. “Kill all adverbs! Kill all adverbs!”

Why? Who decided the fate of adverbs? Why, pray tell, must they all die? As my friend and fellow author once asked: Why were the words invented if they can’t be used?

I don’t honestly know, but I do know this: adverbs are lovely little words that DO serve a purpose.

Here’s something else that serves a purpose: dialog tags. What are dialog tags, you ask? Well, basically, they are: he said, she asked, he answered, and the like. I’m told I use these excessively. Maybe I do, but I find them most useful for my style of writing. I could eliminate these, I am told, by writing details and such AROUND the dialog, but that then puts me back to the thing that irks me… taking four sentences to get to the point instead of one or two.

I am a dialog heavy writer. If I tried to find a way of avoiding tags around every line of dialog – or even just most of them – it would completely change the flow I’m trying to create.

Flow. Flow is subjective. What flows for one reader might not for another. Some will like this style or that, while others will think those same styles suck.

For a writer, there is a tightrope of sorts to walk. We want to appeal to the masses, but with so many varying tastes and preferences, how can we? The saying, ‘you can’t please everyone all the time’ rings true here.

Knowing there is no way I can please everyone has brought me to the following thoughts…

A writer should write for the passion of it. Because the story is burning inside, begging to come out. If you can make a living doing so, great! But that should be the secondary motivation. Know the rules of writing, but feel free to break them if need be. Don’t write for ‘everyone’, write for those who will love your story for what it is.

Look at some of the current bestsellers out there. They have near about an equal percentage of fans and critics. A writer will have both, and there’s just no getting around that. Don’t write for the critics. Don’t write with the idea that you must conform to this way or that in order to succeed. It will stifle your creativity. 

I will close with this, said to me by my dear friend, who also happens to be one of my editors: Writing is a very personal thing, most of the time, unless you're doing academic writing. People tend to write to their own preferences. You can't really outline rules for that.